Dear S.

Our friendship has been through a rough patch, or at least I thought it was. Maybe. Different thinking and different path made us go separate ways. But as we grow older, we get wiser and mature. Silly fights are for highschool girls. Real friends forgive and forget. I am starting to believe that friendship does not measured by how long you stay with your friends but friends maybe come and go but never leave, never fade from your life. They always come back no matter what.

Da, remember how we used to talk sooo much about our dream wedding? Now, you are living your fairytale. You found your prince charming. I don't have that much money to buy you a trip to the city of love for your honeymoon as your wedding gift but all I can give you is my countless doas for your happiness in your marriage life. Be a good wife.

You are one of my oldest friend that I cherish. You have a place in my heart. Have a good, happy life ahead with your husband Da! Couldn't wait for Mecca, Medinna and their brothers and sisters! Hahah.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone over the TuneTalk network

[Make-up job] Jijan + Kak Bibi reception - 17/08/2014.

2014 Raya Summary.

A day before Raya.

Dah 2 years in a row kami balik lambat. Nasib la kampung 30 - 45 minutes away je. Mak nak masak segala rendang, kuah kacang semua kat rumah dulu. Tapi kali ni, balik lambat pun tak risau. Sebab Pak Su sekeluarga dah pindah duduk rumah Opah. Makanya, tak payah risau nak kemas rumah. Kami balik lepas berbuka. Abah yang sampai dari Penang masa sahur yang terakhir, balik kemudian. Aku, Along dan Mak gerak dulu. Tahun lepas tak pasang pelita sebab balik lambat. This year balik lambat pun, aku cakap, lambat macam mana pun aku nak jugak pasang pelita. Siangnya aku dah pesan kat Amirrul suruh abahnya cari minyak tanah. Lepas sampai rumah Opah, lepak sekejap, then terus aku kerah Along dan sepupu-sepupu aku pacak pelita. Lepas tu barulah rasa mood Raya tu datang.

1st day of Raya.

Macam biasalah. Lepas balik solat sunat, salam-salam mintak maaf. Part bagi duit Raya paling seronok. Nak dapat duit raya punya pasal, adik-adik sepupu sanggup buat apa-apa saja. Suruh cium, cium. Suruh peluk, peluk. Hehe. Seriously, masa salam-salam takde siapa pun ingat nak ambik gambar. Raya this year memang tak banyak gambar dari DSLR. Lepas salam-salam dan makan, we went to Big Bad Wolf. Hadap betul 1st raya pegi BBW. Don't wanna miss the chance to get cheap books. Maka, berhimpit-himpitlah kami ke BBW. Nasiblah jarak kampung dan Menglembu tak jauh. Sebab berhimpit-himpitlah aku berazam nak beli Alza atau Exora. Ahahah. Bila time Raya, kereta besar amatlah berguna. Bila sepupu-sepupu dah balik, pantang Along aku cakap jom je, berderetlah yang nak mengikutnya.

2nd day of Raya.

Selalunya, 2nd day lah lagi ramai yang balik. Kami masak rendang ayam kampung, laksa, ikan keli bakar dan rendang minang kaki lembu. Kaki lembu sounds disgusting right? Tapi bila aku try sedap gila okay. Kat bahagian kaki lembu tu macam ada satu isi yang super sedap. Nasib baiklah takde bau yang kurang menyenangkan. Mak Wan, Cik Hasan sekeluarga sampai right on lunch hour. Cik Cek sekeluarga, We, Mak We, Yong and Kak Chik sampai petang sikit, betul-betul masa kami nak gerak beraya ke rumah Cik Din. Lepas tu, teruslah kami beraya ke rumah Kak Nani di Trosor dan rumah Pak Ngah di Temin. Malamnya, Along bawak aku dan adik-adik sepupu lepak mamak. Kebosanan kat rumah Opah. Sekali lagi, berhimpit-himpitlah kami ke mamak. Hahahah.

3rd day of Raya.

Pak Su buat mini reunion on 3rd day of Raya. Hari ni kami masak nasi minyak pulak. Lauknya macam biasalah, lauk yang selalu dimakan dengan nasik minyak. Yang extra nya, kurma ayam belanda. Penuhlah rumah Opah dengan kawan-kawan sekolah Pak Su. Petangnya, kami berlambak-lambak je. Marathon Final Destination. Huhu. Malamnya, i cooked baked macaroni for the entire family. Percubaan pertama rasanya berjaya sebab tak dengar apa-apa complaint pun. Hahah. Habis masak, Cik Ali ajak ronda-ronda. Cadangnya nak ke Uptown Meru. Tapi Raya ketiga kan, mana ada kedai bukak. So, lajaklah ke Ipoh. Lepak kat Riverwalk. Ramai gila orang. Tengah jalan-jalan ada pulak sorang mamat ni propose kat girlfriend dia. Aku siap jerit so sweet la, congrats la bagai. Hahah. Nak naik basikal, tapi ramai sangat yang beratur. Huuu.

4th day of Raya.

Hari ni memang cadangnya nak berjalan. Tapi tak decide pun nak pegi mana. Tau-tau dah sampai Cameron Highlands. Impromptu trip. CH tengah sejuk masa tu. Sebab impromptu, manalah bawak segala sweater. Agak menggigil. We had late lunch and then singgah pasar. Mestilah wajib strawberry and dried strawberry kan. Aku pulak memang wajiblah cendawan goreng. Turun dah senja. Nak turun tak jammed langsung. Masa kami dah nak turun, hala ke atas yang jammed. Adalah dalam 15 - 20 KM jammed nya. Sebelum balik rumah Opah, singgah Starbucks.

5th day of Raya.

Dah balik Ipoh. NOOOOOOOO. Sedihnya. How i wish i can be with my big family all year long. Macam hari-hari hari Rayalah. Huuu. Petangnya pegi rumah Jujubees. Tapi dah sampai rumah dia pulak takde. Pegi raya rumah Wan. Makanya, aku dengan Irra dengan muka tak malunya crashing rumah Wan. Hahaha. Lepas tu baru beraya rumah Juju. Kat rumah Ju ni speciality dia cookies. Pandai betul buat cookies. Kalah Famos Amos. Huhu.

6th of raya.

Raya rumah Irra and Ila. Rumah Irra buat steamboat. Melantak sakan! Aku stay sampai lepas Maghrib sebab malamnya, aku dengan Irra nak beraya rumah Ila pulak. Bayangkanlah berapa round aku makan steamboat ittew. Ahahaha. Kat rumah Ila buat spaghetti apa dia entah, pun sedap nak mampos jugak.

Maka dengan itu, berakhirlah Raya aku. Summary apa panjang cenggini. Ahahahah. Raya, tak pernah yang tak seronok. Maybe in 2011 tak seronok sikit because during Raya that year i lost Marwan. Umur-umur macam aku ni, cuma fikir bila time Raya tu nak gather dengan family je. Nak seronok dengan family. Especially dengan Opah. Opah dah uzur benar. Tak tahu bila Allah nak jemput dia. Hmm.

Till then, toodles!

Hmm.

While waiting for berbuka puasa, scroll timeling Instagram. Scrolling, scrolling. Tiba-tiba, nampak sepupu paling rapat yang makin hari makin membesar perutnya. Sebab mengandung. Bukan sebab gemuk. Huhu. Scroll lagi. Tengok kawan sesekolah throwback gambar kahwinnya beberapa bulan lepas.

Tiba-tiba, muncul perasaan paling sedih dalam hati. Paling sedih, paling hiba. Mata rasa panas.

Azan dah bunyi.

Minum air. Masuk bilik. Sekarang tengah type ni sambil berjurai-jurai air mata. Tak ada siapa nak dengar ngongoian aku, makanya aku luah kat sini saja.

Kalau Marwan masih hidup, that could be me in that situation. Married, pregnant. I see everybody is moving on with their lives. I still didn't past my breaking point.

Sedih hidup aku ni.




Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone over the TuneTalk network

Hey yo!

To be honest, I'm tired living under your spotlight. Tired enough to say this. Tired enough to even have a though in my mind that you will never, ever let me shine.

Whatever.



Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone over the TuneTalk network

#RamadhanCountdown

#QOTD

"I stay up late at night, try not to think about it. Pretend I'm happy, well and all the world without love. I get so tired being on display somehow. Sometimes I get lonely, millions can't hold me now."

— Last Girl On Earth, Elizabeth Woolridge Grant.



Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone over the TuneTalk network

Don't Rain On My Parade.

Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!

Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to
If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you
Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade?

I'll march my band out, I'll beat my drum
And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn't fake it
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it
But whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection
Or freckle on the nose of life's complexion
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye
I gotta fly once, I gotta try once
Only can die once, right sir?

Life is juicy, juicy
And you see I gotta have my bite, sir
Get ready for me, love, cause I'm a comer
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Don't bring around a cloud To rain on my parade

I'm gonna live and live now
Get what I want, I know how
One roll for the whole show bang
One throw, that bell will go clang
Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot, and BAM!
Hey Mister Arnstein here I am
Nobody, no, nobody is gonna rain on my parade!

Don't Rain On My Parade, Barbra Streisand.
Funny Girl Broadway, 1964.



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Oceans.

Wait for your call, love
The call never came
Ready to fall up
Ready to claim
And I'm ready for it all, love
Ready for the pain
Meet under sun and
Meet me again
In the rain

Behind the walls, love
I'm trying to change
And I'm ready for it all, love
I'm ready for the change
Meet me in blue sky
Meet me again
In the rain

You've got to find yourself alone in this world
You've got to find yourself alone

Oceans by Coldplay.
Ghost Stories, 2014.



Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone over the TuneTalk network

#QOTD

"Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct or for being years ahead of your time. If you're right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are minority of one, the truth is still the truth." —Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.



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[Review] Maybelline The Falsies Volum' Express Waterproof Mascara.

I always have love for Maybelline's mascaras. For me, they produce the best mascaras. One of the mascaras that i love is The Falsies Volum Express. 

This is my honest review tau. Nak kata this mascara bagi effect macam pakai false lashes terus, NO. False advertising. At least not on me. Tapi, this mascara does give a little bit effect of wearing falsies after applying 2, 3 coats. Yang penting, tak clumpy. I hate clumpy lashes! This mascara stays on my lashes at least for 5 hours. And oh, it's waterproof. Oleh itu, agak susah nak take it off.

Price is very affordable, RM33.90 and you can get this mascara in most of our local drugstore.

Always In My Head.

I think of you
I haven't slept
I think I do

But I don't forget
My body moves
Goes where I will
But though I try my heart stays still
It never moves
Just won't be left

So my mouth waters, to be fed
And you're always in my head

You're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head

This, I guess, is to tell you
You're chosen out from the rest

Always In My Head by Coldplay.
Ghost Stories, 2014.



Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone over the TuneTalk network

Hmm.

I do this with him every night. I take his shirt to bed and I talk to him about my day. For 3 years now, I'm still 'asking' him for advice and 'waiting' to hear his laugh and for him to 'tells' me that he loves me. But he never does and he never will.

I know, I've been telling people that I already moved on. But I don't know. I don't know. I don't freaking know. I know it's stupid. Believe me, sometimes I swear I can't take it anymore. As much as my friends and family said they will always be here for me, I face this matter on my own. Like, ain't nobody got time to hear about this stupid proble. The least I can do is to cry on sejadah but still, not enough. Not fucking enough. I'm hurt. There's a huge hole in my heart.

I know, Marwan was just my boyfriend. But we shared our love for 5 freaking years. We are that typical teenagers at that time who berangan to get married. In fact, we are getting married pun. The year that he passed away, we are supposed to get engaged. Now, tell me how can I get over all of this bullshit?

Oh god, please help.



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Let's DIY!

Don't throw away your paperbag and perfume boxes just yet! It can be use for lots of DIY later. Kat bawah ni ada 2 DIY yang aku buat semalam. It's freaking easy and no money needed. Guna apa yang ada je. Check it out!

DIY 1: Make-up organizer.

I cut that MAC medium size (i guess) paperbag to the height that i want and use perfume boxes as a divider. As easy as pie! Even making a pie is not that easy. Haha.

DIY 2: Frame/wall display.

This is the easiest. Some of the paperbags are so beautiful and you keep it but don’t know what to do with it? Frame it! Find some beautiful frame (i got mine from Daiso), cut the paperbag into the size of the frame and voila, you got yourself a beautiful frame/wall display!

#RamadhanCountdown

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Suralaya Dalam D Major.

"Getar senandung Suralaya menggamit. Di sudut perasaan cinta menjerit. Bisik kasihku gemersik makin rangsang, makin rasa sebegitu terang. Aku tersentak lalu tersedar. Cuaca dingin menambat hati yang kian rawan. Terbayang seribu kemungkinan. Tergerakku mendakap, kau pun hilang." —Rosli Khamis.



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Perihal anak-anak.

Weeks ago, aku lepak dengan Jijan and Fyna. Dengan Jijan tu memang dah selalu dah, sebab dia duduk sini. Fyna duduk Manjung, so jarang jumpa. The only reason dia nak datang Ipoh pun bila time check-up anak-anak dia.

Seronok gila jumpa anak-anak Fyna. Walaupun jarang jumpa, they are friendly, so takde problem nak bonding. Sekejap je dah mesra. Epan dah besar, dah 5 tahun. Dia memang dah kenal dan ingat orang. He knows I'm his mummy. Danzley baru setahun setengah.

Tengok kawan-kawan happy beranak pinak ni la membuatkan aku nakkkk sangat ada anak cepat-cepat. I think, my sole purpose to get married is to have my own babies.

Time sembang-sembang masa lepak tu, Fyna cakap, "No, you don't want child. You just love the idea of having children. YOU DON'T WANT CHILD." Sumpah, aku tak paham. Bukan tak paham English, tapi, entah.

Then she added, "Hang nak tau apa aku rasa bila Epan pegi sekolah? I feel relief. Aku tak kerja, tapi aku hantar Danzley pegi rumah nanny. Sebab apa? Sebab I want my alone time that I will never get back."

Tak paham. Sumpah tak paham. Dia tak sayang anak-anak dia ke?

"Aku sayang anak-anak to the bits. But they are pain in the ass. Percayalah, ini normal and it should be like that." Jijan angguk, rasanya itu tanda setuju. Jijan kata, she read somewhere, if the child doesn't hate the parents during their teenage years, the parents must be doing something wrong.

Entah.

Do I only loving the idea of having children? Macam mana nak figure out? Aku rasa kita tak akan dapat figure out pun until we have one. Macam, pengalaman. Or, bad ex-boyfriends.

Hmm, entahlah.




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[Review] LovelyBlingz custom made blinged-out casing.

Mazni dengan blinged-out casing memang tak dapat dipisahkan. Haha. Reason being, sebab pakai handphone yang susah nak cari casings yang cantik-cantik. Before this, aku buat sendiri je. Bila buat sendiri ni, paham-paham je la, guna pun diamond sticker biasa je.

Dah lama teringin nak pakai blinged-out casing yang 3D tapi macam tak ada creativity nak buat sendiri. One day, one of my followings on Instagram upload gambar blinged-out casing dia. Cantik nak mampos. Dia tag sekali IGshop yang buat custom made casing tu. Aku pun try la tengok-tengok designs. Cantik-cantik semuanya. Tiba-tiba, nampak comment pasal nak COD. Owner dia orang Ipoh! Oh, lagi la excited nak support orang kampung. Ahahahah.

So, permulaannya aku contact dia, Stephanie namanya, through Whatsapp tanya pasal harga apa semua. Mula-mula macam kecewa sebab aku pakai BlackBerry Torch which is a slide phone, dia cuma provide back cover. She did try to find a clear casing untuk front and back cover nak buat casing untuk aku but she couldn't find any. See, even a clear casing pun susah nak jumpa dah untuk handphone aku. Sobbbsss. 

Aku memang dah ada casing yang ada front and back cover tapi jenis rubber casing. Aku tak suka rubber casing sebab it catch dirts easily. So, aku mattify kan rubber case to guna matte clear spray which can be found in most hardware stores. Aku tanya dia, if aku bagi casing aku, dia boleh cuba buatkan tak? Dia jawab, there's no harm trying. Esoknya, aku pun hantarlah 2 rubber-turned-matte casings tu kat dia.

Dapat je casings tu, dia cakap, takde masalah, boleh je nak buat sebab surface dah jadi matte. So, aku pun proceed la dengan design yang aku nak. Even kita pilih design yang dia pernah buat, boleh je tweak sana sini, ubah color scheme ke. Nama pun custom made kan? Several time jugak aku tukar design untuk 3D case, dia rela je melayan aku. Huhu.

Sekejap je dia buat casings aku. Dalam seminggu je dah siap. Result sama macam apa yang kita mintak. Maybe slightly different la. Manusia yang buat, bukan machine. Huhu. So, we met up at railway. OMG she's gorgeous. Dia Chainese, tapi aku tengok macam ada mix mat saleh. Entah, tak tanya pulak.

Dia pakai high grade crystals, which is, berpadananlah dengan harga yang ditawarkan. It has swarovski element in it but it's not a real swarovski la. Sangat terserlah bila reflex dengan cahaya. Memang beza gila la dengan casing yang aku buat sendiri. Huhu. 

Sejak dari last December, takde lagi crystal yang tercabut. Maybe because i'm so careful with it. Pakai blinged-out casing ni mesti la nak kena hati-hati sikit kot. Kalau memang jenis yang campak-campak handphone, forget about it.

Overall, sangat berpuas hati dengan service LovelyBlingz. Boleh check out their Instagram dengan nama yang sama.

Mind you, 3D casing sangat bulky. If you don't like your phone to be bulky, jangan pakai 3D blinged-out casing.

Boleh cari LovelyBlingz kat Facebook jugak.

PRESS PLAY!

My experience on New York Skin Solution.

Ini dah lama sangat ni. I went there on Christmas public holiday, after so many postponed appointment. Sebabnya, masa bulan December tu memang busy set up bookshop. Macam mana aku boleh dapat free trial ni? Aku kan minah freebies. So, bila nampak promo ni kat freebies website, aku pun submit je la and they called me, like, a month after.

Service memang first class. Consider kita ni potential client kan. I forgot already about the procedure. But, 1st step, biasa la, consultation. Nak tengok kulit kita ni jenis apa and rawatan jenis apa yang diorang nak buat kat muka kita. Again, aku dah lupa jenis rawatan apa yang dia buat kat muka aku ni. Tapi, aku ingat jugak la they massage my face with something aromatic cream, they removed my pimples and did double mask on my face. When they said they need me to allocate 3 hours, they really meant it. Memang ngam 3 jam.

After habis diorang mengulit muka aku, back to consultant room. Haa, time tu la dia pujuk segala bagai suruh ambik package dia and aku dengan cemerlangnya tak layan dengan pujuk rayu si consultant. Saja nak cuba and dapat free facial je pun. Hihi. 

Setiap trial, diorang bagi complimentary kit which contain liquid wash, toner and tinted moisturizer. Liquid wash dengan toner tak guna pun. Cuma guna tinted moisturizer je as my primer before i apply foundation or BB cream.

[Review] Clinique Anti Blemish Solution, after 4 month.

Sadly to say, this set is doing me no good. No good as in, bila aku pakai, takde la kulit bertambah elok. Tak jugak bertambah teruk. As in, takde perubahan apa-apa. Maybe this set didn't suits my skin well. I got this set as a Christmas present from my BFF, Jijan. Though we are not celebrating Christmas, tapi sebab beli masa Christmas, so yeah, Christmas present it is! Haha. 

BUT, i love the blemish gel. I think, it works wonder on my pimples. Macam boleh rasa proses pengecutannya. Oh, masa beli set ni, consultant tu advise suruh beli the mask sekali. But i refused sebab Jijan belikan set ni pun aku dah cukup segan. But i bought the mask eventually right after i dapat gaji. 

The mask pun boleh tahan best jugak la. 

Will i ever buy this set again? I guess no la. ni pun sebab Jijan yang bagi. I'm not that kaya yet to use this kind of brand on my skin. For face regime, i guess not. But for make-up, i've started to kumpul  high-end products. But i might be buy again the blemish gel. Sempat la kumpul 2, 3 bulan gaji ye dok? Hihi.

The best, i can say.

Without you.

I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game without you
I am lost, I am vain
I will never be the same without you

I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I

I can't erase so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're estranged
I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night without you

I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not there I'm paralyzed
I can't look, I'm so blind
I lost my heart, I lost my mind without you

I am lost, I am vain
I will never be the same without you

Usher + David Guetta.
Nothing But The Beat, 2011.



Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone over the TuneTalk network

#RamadhanCountdown

#RamadhanCountdown

Dah start dah countdown! Excited? Heh, last Ramadhan i started the countdown at 90++ kot. Ni kira lambat la. I don't understand why people be like, questioning why we should be excited greeting Ramadhan, nak countdown segala.

I mean, how can we not?

Bulan kumpul pahala kot. It's not like, bulan lain tu engko tak payah kumpul pahala, but you get my point la. Orang yang tak berapa nak alim macam aku ni memang ambik peluang la. Beside that, BAZAR RAMADHANNNNNNNNNNN. Hihi.

Ehem, belum habis ganti puasa lagi.

%&¡$?!

You know what, seeing someone who is better than me or I thought they are better than me, like better in Muslimah appearance terms, like, a hajah type of person cursing like a crazy person on social media, it was like, a huge relief for me.

Okay tu je.
Hehe.



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Dua enam.

Officially 26.

Another 4 years, i'll be 30. I'm sooo not ready. Eerrgghh. Though it is impossible to get back my happy and stress-free teenage years, i am so thankful that to this time, God give me chance to live. I never asked to live an extraordinary life. The normal one is good enough for me, with the people i love the most.

I couldn't thank you enough for the warm wishes and doas. Thank you very, very much.

Xo,
Mazni Z.



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Destiny.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Destiny, JL.
December 26th, 2011.



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Make You Feel My Love.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love

Make You Feel My Love, Bob Dylan.
Time Out Of Mind, 1997.




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Read between the lines.

"I asked Allah to protect me from my enemies and I started losing friends."

Get it?



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Blablabla.

There's a reason why making love is called making love. You make love to somebody you love. You making love with full of love. Preferably when you are married to someone you love because you gonna turn that love into babies. And, surprise, you even get pahala for doing that!

Don't fuck around kids. But if you do, wear a condom. The world don't need another moron like you.



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Summertime.

Balqish, my cousin has been admitted at Pantai Hospital. Disebabkan Mamanya ada kat KL dan Ayahnya nak uruskan adik-adik dia nak pegi sekolah esoknya, makanya aku la yang kena temankan dia. Kaki dia fracture, ke crack, ke entah, sebab kena hempap motor.

Summertime stuck in my head since yesterday lagi. I'm not in my own room tonight so tak tau nak buat apa. Kalau tak, ada je benda nak buat. Huhu. Balqish dah tidur. Aku memang tak la nak tidur awal kan?

Melangut tengok ceiling while listening to this song on repeat mode.

Little did I know, I started to reminiscing memories. Good times, bad times. People I love, people I loathe. My friends, my families.

And... Arwah Marwan.

"And if you stay, I would even wait all night or until my heart explodes. How long until we find our way in the dark and out of harm. You can run away with me, anytime you want."

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The Kids From Yesterday.

Well now this could be the last of all the rides we take
So hold on tight and don't look back
We don't care about the message or the rules they make
We'll find you when the sun goes black

All the cameras watch the accidents and stars you hate
They only care if you can bleed
Does the television make you feel the pills you ate?
Or every person that you need to be

Today, today
We are the kids from yesterday
Today, today

Here we are and we won't stop breathing
Yell it out 'till your heart stops beating
We are the kids from yesterday, today

'Cause you only live forever in the lights you make
When we were young we used to say
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break
Now we are the kids from yesterday


The Kids From Yesterday.
My Chemical Romance.
Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys, 2010.



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[Review] NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream.

I've reviewed San Paolo, so now i want to review the rest of NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream yang sempat aku beli. SMLC ada 20 warna semuanya. Copenhagen and Transylvania is 2 of the 2014 new color. The rest of the new colors, silalah Google sendiri. Hehe.

Transylvania 1st. If you see the bottle, the color is almost black. Macam, who would wear that color? But the color is deep violet. I mean, really deep vilet. From 1 lip color, you can built up so many colors by toning down or toning up the color. Kalau rasa nak meng-Badgal RiRi-kan diri, this color is the best! This kind of color is perfect for spring.

Transylvania.

Copenhagen. Copenhagen is a rich plum color. Sangat cantik! For me la kan, this color is acceptable to wear to kenduri. Again, this color is perfect for spring.

Copenhagen.

Monte Carlo and Amsterdam. This 2 colors is currently in trend. Wearing this kind of color makes your face brighter. 

Monte Carlo.

Amsterdam.

Milan. It's a very pretty pink shade. Though i thought it's not suits with my skin tone at the moment. I'll wear it anyway. This kind of color sesuai la kalau nak pakai pegi kerja or college (if you are wearing make-up to class but ain't nobody got time for that, LOL!). 

Milan

Addis Ababa. The color is vibrant-neon pink. For me, it's a dupe for MAC Candy Yum Yum but Candy Yum Yum is more vibrant and neon. So, Addis Ababa is a slower color version of Candy Yum Yum. Somehow, this lipcolor has this tiny flickery blue-ish, like gold dust, i don't know what it is, that i don't like.

Addis Ababa.

Overall, i like this product. I'm a huge fan of Soft Matte Lip Color now. Harga sangat affordable and senang dapat. You can buy it at Sephora or CCM. Please note that this is a soft matte lip color. Creamy at 1st apply. After application, sebenarnya, it will completely turn matte.

Like a what??

The weather is so hot right now right? Makes me soooo dahaga. Like, I can drink gallons of gallons of gallons of water. My 700ml tumbler doesn't last me even for an hour.

I went to Aeon after work yesterday. While walking inside from the parking lot, there was 2 men infront of me. They are chatting and suddenly 1 of them was like, "It's so hot! I feel like a whore in a church!" Little did I know, I was burst into laughter and they turned around looking at me, wondering. Quickly, I looked at my phone.

I swear I heard that like a whore in a church somewhere! LOL!



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#BlaBlaBla 2.

What is wrong with wanting to be different? Like, look up north or south instead of look up west. Like, having the ability to work and find money on your own instead of getting a paid job under somebody else's command.

It's you. It's you who doesn't believe in me.

I believe in myself. I guess that's more than enough. I was not born in this world to please everybody. And I don't even wanna try to please anybody pun. Your pandang-sebelah-mata opinion does not matter to me at all.



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#BlaBlaBla

You know that sometimes when you reach the point where you just wanna give up and cry? Do you ever feel that? Like, you wanna push away everyone out of your life because you thought you are not worth it?

But there's somebody walks in and stays. When everybody else really walks out from your life.

But...

Who knows, someday, that person will walk away from your life too. Eventually.



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[Make-up] Urban Reign inspired by Michelle Phan + MARScolorwar.

What's on the face.
Dermacos palette for foundation, contour and highlight.
Maybelline mineral 2-way powder foundation.
Sleek face contour kit in light.
Benefit powder blush in Dandelion.

What's on the eyes.
Various palette. (Miss Rose, Nyx, Elianto, UD Naked 2, Sleek iDivine)
Maybelline gel line in brown.
Maybelline The Falsies mascara.
Fake lashes.

What's on the lips.
Nyx soft matte lip cream in Monte Carlo + MAC Diva.

(Konon) keluarga.

Kami masih ingin berbaik-baik dengan kamu dan keluarga kamu, sumpah, demi tak ingin memutuskan hubungan keluarga. How bullshit you and your family treat us, kami masih nak menjenguk. Banyak silap yang datang dari kamu dan keluarga kamu. Banyak yang kamu minta masa kamu susah. But for the sake of the word of family, we forgive and forget.

Tapi, dengan sikap kami yang masih ingin berbaik-baik dengan kamu dan keluarga kamu itu, kamu anggap sebagai kami menjilat ludah kami semula, hmm, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I had enough. You all can go fuck yourself. Sorry if I'm wearing my mask if we ever meet again, because I intend not to see you or your family ever again.

But on 2nd thought, no, you don't deserve my sorry.



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Kira-kira seorang orang miskin.

Target aku nak beli kereta tahun ni. Macam dah boleh. Memang dah boleh la.

Tapi...

Bila aku buat kira-kira balik kan, kalau aku pakai kereta, memang aku tak boleh enjoy dah, literally. Bayangkan, everyday aku pergi kerja naik motor Ipoh - Gopeng back and forth pun minyak dah RM6. Aku pakai Nouvo, full tank memang RM6.

Kalau naik kereta, budget la sehari RM10. Lima hari jadi RM50. Sebulan jadi RM200. Minyak sahaja. Monthly installment kereta, kata la RM350 (aku budget Viva je). RM550 untuk kereta dan minyak.

Duit makan lagi?
Duit Mak dan Abah lagi?
Duit barang keperluan lagi?
Duit data plan lagi? Haha.
Duit berjoli lagi?
Duit Christian Louboutin fund lagi? LOL.

Bayangkan betapa aku boleh enjoy RM550 tu dengan gaji and side income mengandam?

So, after a deep-not-so-deep thought, aku rasa la, kereta bukan 1 keperluan lagi untuk aku. Aku rasa la. Hehe. Sama jugak macam iPhone dan GoPro itu. ;D

Tunggu la bila dapat kerja yang bergaji RM1800 dan ke atas. I'm so not ready for car commitment just yet.

Sobs.



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You gotta be kidding me!

Don't blame every woman in the world for you ex-girlfriend whore-ish way, dude. Like, seriously?? SERIOUSLY???

You are sooo fucked up.



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[Make-up job] Farah's reception.

Farah A'a | Reception | 09/02/2014, Chepor, Perak.

[Make-up inspired] Georgina Sparks of Gossip Girl.

Ain't karma a bitch?

Sebab dulu engkau gelakkan aku masa aku ada di bawah, sekarang you don't have any fucking idea how much I'm enjoying my beautiful view and shouting hi to you from the top.

You're not gonna live your life perfectly and beautifully on Everest forever you know. Even forever doesn't exist. You got to remember this is just a game.

Don't mock a pain you never endured because someday, god knows when, maybe you gonna feel the same pain.

Now, how does it taste, bitch?



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Suci sangatkah engkau?

Semua agama memang melarang gaya hidup lesbian, gay, bisexual dan transexual. Bukan agama Islam je yang melarang LGBT. Kadang-kadang kat luar negara yang kita fikir sangat luas pemikirannya pun ada yang homophobic.
Aku bukan la nak jadi liberal ke apa.

Tapi, agama kamu ada ajar tak supaya kamu discriminate, hina, caci, maki dan carutkan golongan-golongan tersebut? Is there any part in your Quran, Bible or what ever kitab you're reading ask you to harm those kind of people tak kira la by words or action? Ada?

Kesian sangat. Nak elak dosa, kononnya, tapi dosa terpalit kat diri sendiri balik.

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Kalau aku kaya.

Tengah duduk bersembang atas buaian dengan Mak petang tadi, Mak cerita yang seorang technician menang RM1 juta hanya dengan melabur RM1000 di sebuah bank.

"Kalau Mak menang RM1 juta, Mak pengsan dulu. Kalau engko?"

"Kalau orang, tak ada masa nak pengsan, Mak. Orang sibuk seal the deal of a house and a car. Dan orang mesti sibuk uruskan itinerary untuk holiday kita, Mak. Nak budget berapa pasang nak beli Louboutin lagi. Hmm, memang tak ada masa nak pengsan langsung."

"Dasar!"

"Dasar apa, Mak?"

"Dasar mata duitan la."

Well, you want an answer, Mak. :p



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Hey little creature!

InsyaAllah kita akan berjumpa in 35 weeks time!

Aku adalah manusia yang paling gembira. Percayalah. Sebab, harapan untuk aku memiliki sendiri tidaklah secerah ketika aku memasang impian itu di usia remaja.

Bukan. Bukan bayi aku. Tapi, darah daging aku. Walaupun dia bukan keluar dari rahim aku, tapi dia keluar dari rahim orang yang aku sayang dan penting dalam hidup aku.

Little creature, be a fighter and fight all the way to see the world. InsyaAllah, kalau berjodoh, kita akan jumpa!

:')



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What if you could pick one day of your life and everything would stop changing, everyday would be similar and comparable to that one day yo chose. If you could do that, would you do that?

We crave for things to stop changing. We wish that things would never change. But if we got what we wanted, there are soooo many things that are better, that we would never ever know about.

Sure, things would stay the same as that one wonderful day but then there would be nothing else out there.

You need to finally accept all the things that you couldn't change which led to you being right here, right now.

Maybe we all carry around inside us one day we wish we could keep forever, something we wish never will change.

Well, it's time to let go of that day.



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Virus.

Aku tengah tak berapa sihat ni. Since last Thursday lagi. Aku sangat berharap I don't fall into fever sebab I was planning to have fun with my entire family this weekend.

Tak demam, nasib baik la.

Hari Jumaat balik kampung, I was down with flu and caugh while the others are healthy.

It's like, I'm spreading the viruses to them. Now, I'm getting better, they're getting worse pulak. Hehe.

Sorry!



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Demi kasih sayang.

Abah aku pesan, walau apa pun yang jadi, kenanglah mereka. Demi kasih sayang. Yup, demi kasih sayang.

Kalau nak diikutkan, sebenarnya memang dah tak ada hubungan apa-apa dah. Memang dah hilang pertalian darah. Tapi, iyalah, demi kasih sayang kan?

Demi kasih sayang ni la kami biar engkau cakap buruk dibelakang kami. Semua cerita engkau jaja. Yang sampai ke telinga pun dah tak indah didengar, apa entah lagi yang tak sampai ke telinga kami?

Demi kasih sayang ni jugak la kami tak pernah nak jaja cerita buruk engkau walaupun sebenarnya, kalau kami nak buat boleh sangat. But we don't want to downgrade ourselves to your level, bitch.

Demi kasih sayang my ass.

I don't know about the rest of my family. Tapi aku dah taknak berkasih sayang dengan orang yang palit tahi yang busuk kat kasih sayang aku. You don't deserve my kasih sayang.

Slowly, I will kick you from my fucking life. I had enough. I loathe you. I don't even wanna see you on the day you die.

From now on, I don't consider you as my family anymore. At least not in my heart.



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All we need is...

"Allahumma ajurni fil musiibati, wakhluf lii khairan minha."

Wahai tuhan, berikanlah ganjaran padaku atas musibah yang Kau timpakan ini dan gantikan untukku sesuatu yang lebih baik darinya.

Tuhan kata, dia cuma duga hamba Dia kalau Dia rasa hamba Dia tu mampu untuk tanggung. But then again, kita rasa berat dah dugaan yang kita tengah hadap ni padahal yang sebenarnya, kita mampu tanggung.

Aku selalu merintih nasib diri. Dulu. Tak kira la secara vokal atau emosi, dengan individu atau di laman sosial aku. Bila Mak ajar yang ada lagi orang lain yang tengah ditimpa dugaan yang lagi besar dan berat daripada aku, I was like, "Stop bitching, bitch!"

I lost my boyfriend. Tapi ada orang lain yang hilang suami. He's just my boyfriend, my dead boyfriend. I'm jobless. Tapi ada orang lain yang jobless tanpa ada skill apa-apa untuk cari makan. At least, my make-up skill is my meal ticket.

So why the hell am I bitching? Dugaan aku lebih kecik daripada zarah.

I see the light now. Masih samar, tapi aku dah nampak cahayanya. Maybe the bright lights will eventually come to my life, maybe it won't come at all. But all I need is faith. Faith is all I need.

Aku meletakkan kepercayaan penuh kepada tuhan aku yang satu hari Dia akan tukar keperitan aku ni kepada sesuatu yang aku tak pernah expect. He actually did. One by one, aku nampak.

Biar lambat, tapi ada. Asalkan ada. Like I said, all I need is faith.

You need it too. Faith.



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Where have you been?

I don't wanna forget you voice. I don't wanna forget how you treated me. I don't wanna forget everything about you.

Where are you? I don't feel you around me anymore.



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[Review] MAC Candy Yum Yum + Diva + Up The Amp.

The first 2 MAC lipsticks that i bought with my own money!! It may be murah for you but certainly mahal for me. If i'm not a mak andam, tak adanya aku nak beli lipstick RM68 sebatang ni. I'm in the kumpul-barang-high-end-pelan-pelan mode so that i can up my price sikit la. I mean, ada la reason untuk aku naik harga. Dah nak masuk 4 tahun mak mengandam, tak naik-naik pun harga, nok! *puke* Huhu.

Bought 2 lipsticks that has been in my wishlist; Candy Yum Yum and Diva and MAC gave me another sample of lipstick which is Up The Amp. Ahh, always love how brands came up with the names for their products.

Up The Amp first. Kalau nak tahu, MAC ada banyak jenis finish. Macam matte, retro matte, amplified, frost, lustre etc. Up The Amp is amplified finish which is it'll give you this kind of creamy finish. At first i thought, i wouldn't wear this kind of color tapi bila swatch kat bibir, cantik la pulak. Warnanya macam purplish-lilac-pinkish. Kalau tone down boleh dapat effect warna yang berbeza.

Candy Yum Yum. Bought this color in the first place sebab nak cari dupes for Nars Schiap. Bila dekat counter MAC tu agak-agak macam sama dengan Schiap. Bila tanya promoter MAC tu which color is dupes for Nars Schiap tapi dia tanya aku balik dupes tu apa? Hmm. Haha. So aku agak-agak Candy Yum Yum similar to Schiap tapi bila dah beli, baru my fellow mak andam WhatsApp cakap MAC dupes for Nars Schiap is Girl About Town. I thought takpe la, Candy Yum Yum dah memang ada dalam wishlist. So, Girl About Town masuk la dalam wishlist seterusnya. Huhu. 

Candy Yum Yum is a matte finish lipstick. The color is neon pink which is, i think, fun and 'flirty'. Sangat sesuai untuk summer. Color sangat stand out kalau full swatch. If you tone down the color, jadi la sweet pink. Vanilla scented as always.

Diva. After Fatin gave me Ruby Woo, Diva is in my next MAC lipstick wishlist. MAC's website describe this color as an intense reddish-burgandy. Diva adalah plum undertone. Can see this when the lipstick wiped out and leaves stain on the lips. Walaupun warnanya gelap, nampak classy. Pair this color with a simple eye make-up so that bila pakai Diva, the color will stand out. Oh, it's matte and has vanilla scent too!

Kawanship.

There are two kinds of friendship.

1. The beneficial friendship.
2. The erroneous friendship.

The erroneous friendship balances on the principle of - the closer we are, the more okay it is for me to say anything I want to you and for me to treat you in any way that I want to and for me to disrespect you and take advantage of you.

While a true friendship is rooted in this principle - the closer we are, the more respect I have for you, the better I will treat you, the higher I will regard you, the more good things I will wish for you.

You will know someone is a true friend by basis of observing their action towards you as friendship grows deeper. A true friend will continue to hold you in higher and higher regard while the error of a friend will see your goodwill and newfound fondness as basis to do and say whatever she/he wants; that is disrespectful and non-beneficial to you.

So, choose. And leave!



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[Review] Nyx Soft Matte Lip Cream in San Paolo.

Ingat masa ada job kat KL hari tu nak borong barang Nyx kat Sephora. Tapi Jaja nak ke 1 Utama, nak kejar sale Aldo last day. Aldo takde kat KLCC and Sephora pulak takde kat 1 Utama. So, sempat pegi Mac je. Nyx is very affordable. Agaknya, kalau pegi la Sephora hari tu, memang semua aku borong sebab murah. Hehe.

Nyx Malaysia is kind enough to gave me 1 of their fast selling product; Soft Matte Lip Cream. They gave me SMLC in San Paolo. 

Sebenarnya aku tak paham kenapa soft matte. First apply, it'll give you, like creamy finish. Lepas beberapa minit it completely turn into matte finish. Agaknya, itu la kot yang dimaksudkan oleh soft matte. Huhu. The color is super gorgeous. How ever, it'll give you different color off and on flash. Off flash, i can say this is the dupes for Nars in Schiap. I love it!

And i love the smell too. Macam Mac, this lip cream has vanilla scent. Sedap je bau.

Huargghhhh.

It's just 1.37am and I'm yawning so hard. Today is a public holiday. I could sleep late or never sleep at all if I want to. Maybe I should re-arrange the furnitures in my room, re-organize my closet or marathon-ing movies.

But, no.

Kalau aku mengantuk at this particular time, ini adalah petanda baik. Oh my sleeping cycle, you've been good to me.
Good night my kings + queens!



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People.

It's often said that no matter the truth, people want to see what they want to see.

Some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along. Some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them. Some people may see what was there all along.

And then, there are those other people.
The ones that run as far as they can so they don't have to look at themselves.



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[Review] Benefit POREfessional Pro Balm.

Got this from my One Prime Day kit. Harga kit ni, tambah sikit duit, boleh dapat full size POREfessional. Tapi disebabkan i want that Stay Don't Stray eye primer tu, so i bought this kit. I don't mind though. Base on my experience, sample size which is 7 to 7.5 ml will last for at least more than 3 month even i use them on daily basis.

So, let's review!

What Benefit says about POREfessional: Quickly minimize the appearance of pores and fine lines for smoother than smooth skin. Apply this silky, lightweight balm alone, under or over make-up. Translucent, oil-free formula complements all skintones and helps make-up stay put.

Though i have open pores on the side of my nose, i can say it is very minimal. So, my open pores are the least of my problems. It can be covered by foundation. But i do want to give POREfessional a try. Does it really make pores dissappear?

I say, yes it is and no it does not.

Yes, when i apply this as primer and foundation on top of it. No, when i only use this as my primer and cover it with my compact powder. Benefit says it can be wear under or over foundation but i never try.

However, Benefit were right when they say this balm is very lightweight. I can barely feel it on my skin. After application, it'll give you matte and powdery finish.

I will definitely buy the full size someday.